I love to take pictures. Sometimes I took a magnificent picture, but sometimes it's just like 'nahhhh'.
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February 5, 2017 | 11:29 PM | 2 commentsYou know, sometimes I think like I wanted to write a book. However, is the story that I am going to write, is a good in quality? Or should I just try, just to get some feedbacks from the publications outside?
Haha, it's a weird dream, I know.
January 29, 2017 | 11:48 PM | 0 commentsThere is always a time where you will inferior towards yourself. For example:
'Oh she's better than me'
'I wish my body is just like her'
'Why she is so pretty?'
'Why she's knowledgeable in her area, and I'm here just like a potato.'
'Why everyone is liking her?'
'Why I am ugly'
'Am I that ugly?'
'She's having a wonderful life, unlike me'
Idk what haunts me lately but maybe as my life is getting bored due to now I'm finishing my degree studies (inshaAllah) and scrolling towards my social media is one of the routine now.
Therefore, seeing all those good news, seeing their beautiful faces, with their pretty pose, how well they dressed, makes me feel bad. Makes me feel like I'm far from them. Why in the world I had beautiful friends but I don't feel like I am. Why they can achieve such achievements in life but not me?
I was in this kind of situation for about a week (till the extend I give my friend my primary instagram's account for her to keep for a month okayyy) until one day I decided, 'oh let's take some of my positivity back from my friends and see what I've give to them so far.'
SO I ended up sending this kind of messages to some of my friends
'What kind of friend I am to you?"
After a few moments sending the messages to my friends, some responded in a way that I am a good friend of them. Well this answer is a good answer -- but not good enough to pinch my inner soul to get up from this depression. Haha. Some of them are not answering, I am so sad. Haha.
However, there are some wonderful and awesome feedback from my friends. And that made me the happiest person on that night and the day after. I will tell you some.
'To me you're nice, senang ngam, layan kerenah org'
'Good and helpful friend yang always sabar when I kacau u 😂'
'Cutest eva n always smile to me 😘😘💃🏻' -- the best short answer for me. Sebab dia kata panjang lagi dia nak taip hahahaha. Thanks roommate! ♥
'A friend that i dont wanna lose 😌'
'Barney friend' -- ohh there's a story of this which malas nak cerita but this made me happy.
'Izel baik, cantik, byk kelebihan, suka tngok life izel, jeles ngn izel. Okey yg pasti izel unik, sgt baik, caring.' -- ahh for this I had a very long conversation with her, but I am thankful enough that she's saying this to me ^^
'Dont know how to describe but you're truly an amazing friend. Wanna keep you forever hahaha'
'A sweet friend that I can always talk to about kpop or Kdrama!!! 😊😊😁😁'
'Lala baik. And clingy.'
And here's for some lengthy motivation from some of my friends.
'Trustworthy n loyal. Hahaha a good friend as typical as it gets. Although my words are short but trust me, by a good friend, I meant that you helped me a lot during my down time. All those late night chats and that you too trusted me to share your stories with me which I'm truly grateful (although I'm not sure if I've ever been helpful). You know I'm not that good with words, and I don't want to spam with all those good friends traits to make it seem like artificial but I hope what I wrote would make you feel better. You helped me A LOT. And I felt really comfortable talking with you' -- I did not expect this but this really really make me feel better, even today.
Oh this is the longest so I safe this for the last. And I cut some of the conversation due to privacy issues haha.
'I guess angelic friend? Bila sebut Izela, kinda fucked up if someone want to hurt you inside out, cause you are angelic huhu.
Hello, sorry sikit, kalau awak tu tak lawa, takde laki la nk pikat awak. Kalau awak tu tak lawa, awak takde nya pakwe. And definitely awak akan jadi minah desperate sebab laki taknak kan. Dulu kan, saya gemuk. Like gemuk, muka gemuk macam kodok huhu. Ada budak2 laki ejek saya gemuk. I guess I was truly ugly back then. Tapi ramai je pakwe, huhu. So saya tak effort pun nak kurus ke apa. People like, 'kau gemuk!' And I was like, oh, ha ah la aku yang gemuk ada 18 pakwe gemuk.
So? So yeah!
What the hell, Izela. Awak lawa kot! Awak je yg rasa mcm tu, mana ada laa serius awak okay je.
Izela, hear me this.
Awak, kalau nak lawa sebab rasa inferior dgn org lain, prcaya la, awk takkan rasa puas. Smpai bila2 takkan puas. Sbb hakikatnya, kita smua tau msti kita rasa org lain lagi lawa, walhal kita dah lawa. It's just our nature that want to be 'more' than others.
And yeah, fyi, lawa luar will attract everyone. But lawa dalam, it will attract those that only can see it. Sbb tu ada ssetengah orang lawa luar pun takde pakwe. Yes it will attract everyone but that's just it. But lawa dalam, that certain people, yes certain people that know how to cherish the beauty will come. Yes, like you. Awk rasa awk paling buruk, tp ada je laki care dan sayang. So?
Oh ya. Huhu maybe awk fkir sy boleh ckp mcm ni sbb sy putih flawless bla3. But I'm not slim k. Muka petak. Even my dad, yes my dad said that I am not pretty. Orang yang tengok saya membesar 23 tahun cakap saya tak lawa k, so taktau nak approve sapa lagi.
Yg penting kita konfiden dgn diri kita.
Badan berisi pun, muka petak pun, serius kalau ada konfiden, elok2 org rasa awk biasa trus rsa awak lawa. Sbb awak prcayakan diri awk. Diri awk lawa. So that trust will bloom to the others. Idc, I know I am beautiful as who I am.
So do you Izela.
Your angelic soul pun dh lawa huhu. Lg lawa drpda sy'
Okay that's the longest answer from my friend with a counselling background. And tbh I am glad to have this kind of friend. They recognize the talent in people and help them to become better. I felt happy at that time. I was glad. I am thankful of being me. And I started to recover from my depression state.
Thanks to them. I love you guys, so much ♥
Even though I can't say that I am pretty, smart and all for now, but I am glad that I have been a good friend to them. And that makes me happy.
Till then, x.
December 12, 2016 | 9:10 PM | 0 commentsGuys, don't ever start it.
Don't you know that the is the first time my heart is fluttered again after a while?
I am scared. To death. To even say, 'yes I really do like him'. Because I love friendship more than relationship.